


Ain't Leaving This to Fate

by Kaysa



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: 5+1 Things, Dom/sub Undertones, Eavesdropping, Exhibitionism, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Frank Iero & Mikey Way, Minor Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, Overhearing Sex, Porn Watching, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Voyeurism, getting off together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:54:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29253288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaysa/pseuds/Kaysa
Summary: The first time Gerard overheard Mikey jerking off was an accident, but it kept happening.Or: Five Times Gerard Listened and One Time He Watched
Relationships: Gerard Way/Mikey Way
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Exactly one year ago today I started writing fic and what could be a better way to celebrate that than posting a new work? :D  
> This is my longest one so far and I've been working on it for ages (by which I mean I talked about this way too much without actually opening the doc and took a few incredibly long breaks). I'm happy it's finally finished!
> 
> <3 to marriedtojbiebs for giving this a beta!

**November 2002**

Gerard woke up to the quiet sounds of Mikey shuffling around in the dark of the room. They hadn't shared one in ages, but when the heating in the basement broke, Gerard had enlisted Mikey's help to carry his mattress upstairs, and now here they were. He'd been staying for a few days already and he didn't mind sleeping in Mikey's room, but he was looking forward to moving back soon.

Gerard wasn't someone who went to bed early, but he was already asleep when Mikey came back home. He'd been to one of those shows he could rarely convince Gerard to go to and usually came back from in the middle of the night, or even the early morning. Tonight was no different, but Gerard was so attuned to Mikey that he didn't even fully wake up, at first.

The quiet noises were still familiar and comforting, even though they'd had their own rooms for years now: the careful opening of the door, Mikey's muted steps across the floor, the rustling of fabric as he took off his clothes and got under the covers.

Gerard was in that half-awake state that you could never remember the next morning. He sighed softly and burrowed his face deeper into the pillow. When he was just starting to sink back into sleep, odd and unusual sounds pulled him back to the surface.

He needed a moment to understand where he was.

He could hear the rhythmic sound of gentle scraping of fabric, slow but steady. A pronounced exhale. The creaking of the springs in Mikey's mattress. A sigh.

Gerard's eyes snapped open. He couldn't see anything in the dark, but he was facing the wall anyway. Suddenly, he was wide awake. Was Mikey… ?

A pleased moan. More rustling of the blankets. A content hum.

He definitely was.

There was no way Gerard could ignore it. He couldn't leave either; if he did anything to let Mikey know he was awake, it would just make things infinitely more awkward.

He closed his eyes and tried to stay completely still. If he pretended nothing was wrong and nothing had happened, he could just forget about it afterward. And Mikey never had to know he'd been awake and overheard. Yeah, that was a good plan.

Except that the noises didn't stop, and now that Gerard had closed his eyes, his brain was determined to come up with visuals for them. He quickly opened his eyes again.

Mikey let out another moan and a muttered curse.

Gerard bit his lip. It was rapidly getting too hot under the covers and he could feel his cock stir. Fuck. He was _not_ going to touch himself now. That would be completely inappropriate.

Mikey was moving faster now, more urgently, his moans muffled but coming with more regularity, the sound of skin against skin louder.

_He's probably trying to be quiet,_ Gerard thought. He imagined Mikey in his bed, biting his hand so he wasn't as loud, the other one stuffed into his pants, stroking his cock. He wondered what he looked like. His pretty face flushed, head thrown back, his jawline sharp. Gerard could almost taste Mikey's sweat on his tongue and wished he could lick his neck. His cock was probably a nice size, not too big, but he'd know how to use it. His hand would look so good wrapped around it, his long fingers and pronounced knuckles. 

Gerard cursed his imagination. He had to press his face into the mattress to stifle his groan. Fuck, he couldn't let Mikey know he was awake and listening to him.

This was the hottest thing Gerard had ever experienced. He couldn't get enough of the sounds Mikey made. He imagined Mikey's hand flying over his cock, how desperate he was to come, stroking himself, biting his hand so hard his teeth were leaving indents. Then Mikey whined, high and long, and everything went quiet.

Gerard could feel his pulse racing. He was sweating like he'd run a marathon and he was so fucking hard. It quickly dawned on him that he was absolutely fucked.

He moved the tiniest bit possible to relieve some of the pressure on his cock. He prayed that Mikey didn't notice him moving, or if he did, that he thought Gerard was just turning over in his sleep. He pressed his eyes closed and very carefully thought of nothing.

When he woke up the next morning, his briefs were stiff with dried come.


	2. II

**March 2003**

Gerard's head was swimming. He was in that phase where you're not really drunk anymore, but your body is still pretty out of whack.

He remembered that they'd been practicing. _Bullets_ had been out for a while; the first tour had been awesome, now they needed to follow it up with another good one. It had gone well, they'd really been on a roll, and when they decided to call it a day, they'd all come to Mikey and Frank's apartment to celebrate. Ray and Otter had left after a while, but Gerard had kind of missed the boat on that and ended up too drunk to make his way home.

Which was why he was now lying in Mikey's bed, one foot on the floor to ground himself and the blanket haphazardly covering his body. Gerard had a vague memory of Mikey somehow convincing him to lie down while Frank giggled himself silly over them.

Gerard must have been asleep for a few hours if his assessment of his state was correct – and he had a lot of experience with that. He wasn't tired anymore, but he didn't feel like getting up either. It was nice in Mikey's bed. It was soft and cozy and it smelled like him. Gerard pulled the blanket up to his nose and took in his surroundings.

There wasn't much to see in the dark, but a little light came in where the door stood ajar. Gerard could hear noises from the next room. It seemed like Mikey and Frank were watching a movie with lots of dramatic music and occasional screaming. Probably horror then. Gerard tried to figure out which one, but he didn't recognize it.

The longer Gerard was awake, the more he sobered up. A particularly piercing scream from someone who was probably in the middle of being killed on screen made him pull his leg up and under the covers discreetly. He was not going to risk a monster from under the bed ruining his day. The dizziness was mostly gone by now anyway. He counted that as another win.

The sounds from next door had changed to the credits now. Gerard heard the volume go down and then the clatter of the remote on the table.

"You wanna?" That was Mikey.

"With your brother here?" Frank.

"Nah, he's asleep."

"Sure. What're you in the mood for?"

"I got this new one last week. Lemme go grab it."

Someone stood up. A moment later, Mikey appeared in the door. Gerard followed his movement across the room with his gaze. Mikey opened one of the drawers in his desk, took something out, and turned around. He looked at Gerard for a moment, but Gerard wasn't sure if he could see him looking back in the dark. He went back into the living room, leaving the door open behind himself.

Gerard idly wondered what it was that they couldn't watch with him there, but it didn't take long to find out.

There were clacking noises. That was probably Mikey putting a new DVD in. It didn't take long and Gerard could hear Frank snorting. There was a grin in his voice when he said, "Here we go again, Mikey's favorite gay porn star."

Gerard's eyes widened in surprise. Mikey had a favorite gay porn star? And he hadn't even told Gerard about it. He pouted. He'd had to ask him about it later. 

"What." Mikey sounded unimpressed. "It's not that easy to find my type in porn, okay?"

"Your type is chubby boys with pretty faces?" Frank seemed to contemplate for a moment. "I guess I can see it. He's got these nice thighs and his ass looks good on camera. He never even seems like he's acting. I bet he's one of those guys who's genuinely really into it."

"Dude. Shut up and get your pants open."

So this was happening. His brother and their friend were going to watch porn and jerk off together, with Gerard listening to the whole thing from the next room. Okay. He was almost offended they didn't invite him; the eavesdropping did feel a little inappropriate. Whatever.

The next few minutes, Gerard didn't hear much apart from bad dialog. It didn't seem like Mikey's guy was one for particularly intellectual porn. It eventually shifted into less talking, more grunting. Even if Gerard couldn't see anything, this was kind of hot. 

Mikey spoke up again, "Ugh, I can't stand this top's fake-ass moaning." The volume decreased.

"Why do you watch this stuff then?" Frank was already panting a little. "Oh, I get it. You have the hots for the cute little bottom."

"Frank, I swear to god, just shut your mouth and jerk it." Mikey sounded a little on edge.

Gerard couldn't hear much of the porn anymore, but the slapping sounds of jerking off were more prominent now. Of Mikey and Frank jerking off.

He was pretty sure he could tell who was making which noises. Frank had a deeper groan, while Mikey's sounds were softer, more like sighs. It triggered Gerard's memories of the last time he'd heard them. He could feel his face flush. It had been four months now, but he remembered it like it had been yesterday. How he'd been lying there in the dark, listening to Mikey pleasuring himself. It was so similar to now.

Except this time there was no risk of Mikey seeing him. Noticing if he moved. If he touched himself.

He did feel a little creepy, but that wasn't going to stop him. He gripped his cock, just holding it for a moment. It felt so good. He was basically watching porn, right? So it wasn't weird that he was getting turned on. It was a totally natural reaction. He started stroking himself, trying to concentrate on what was going on in the other room.

"Fuck, I love it when they take him hard," Mikey panted and Gerard felt another wave of heat crash through him at Mikey talking like that. They'd sometimes told each other about their sex lives of course, but not like this. Never like this.

Gerard turned onto his belly, careful not to make any noise. He pressed his hips into the mattress and moaned into the pillow. Fuck, it smelled like Mikey. He cradled it in his arm, pressed his face into it, and started grinding his hips down in earnest. It felt so fucking good.

Frank had shifted to whines now, loud and unashamed. Mikey was still quieter, but Gerard could hear him clearly. He focused on Mikey's voice and reached his hand down, the one he'd used to stroke himself. He palmed and squeezed his ass for a moment, then rubbed his fingers against his hole. He moaned into the pillow, then bucked his hips, pushing forward against the mattress and back against his fingers, pushing them in just a little bit. The stretch wasn't much, but it was dry with just his sweat and the precome still on his fingers. He pushed harder, breathed in Mikey's scent, and bit his lip so hard it hurt. The pain was the last bit that pushed him over the edge. He came hard, one finger up his hole, Mikey's now urgent moans in his ear and his scent everywhere around him.

He lay still for a minute, coming down from his orgasm, distantly aware of what was still going on next door. When his breathing had calmed, he got more comfortable, curling up on his side. He was pretty sure he'd missed when Mikey had come, but Frank was still whining in tune with the men on screen. After a final high-pitched moan, he went quiet.

Nobody spoke for a moment as they get their breath back, until Frank remarked, "You know, I think your bottom kind of has Gerard's nose."

"Oh my god, that was what you were paying attention to? No surprise it took you that long to come."

"Hey! You're just jealous because I have more stamina!"

There was the sound of someone being whacked with a pillow.

"You totally are!"

"I'm going to sleep now, Mr. Stamina. Can't hear your bullshit when I'm asleep." Mikey's voice was getting closer with every word.

Gerard didn't have much time to panic before Mikey came into the room. Fuck, it probably smelled like spunk and sweat and _sex_ in here and—

Mikey walked in, threw his shirt and pants over the back of his desk chair, and climbed into bed next to Gerard.

Gerard held his breath. Nothing happened.

Eventually, he had to start breathing again. He tried to be calm and quiet, but only managed strained and too loud. His whole body was so tense; he felt like he was going to explode. Mikey was absolutely going to notice. Mikey would feel that something was wrong and he'd realize that Gerard had listened to him and he would— 

"Stop thinking so loudly, Gee," Mikey muttered.

Gerard startled, but after a moment of shock, he calmed down. "Okay," he whispered. _Okay._

It took a while until he was able to relax, slowly, gradually, but eventually, he sank into peaceful sleep. It was okay. Mikey was there and it was okay.


	3. III

**June 2003**

Gerard was sitting in the backseat of the van, head in his hand and propped up against the window, trying to at least doze a little even if proper sleep was impossible. Frank was on driving duty tonight, still high on… Gerard didn't even know what exactly. But he was good at driving at night. Ray was riding shotgun, listening to the radio. He and Frank insisted on turning it on at least once in a while to keep up with the news and sometimes check the traffic reports. Gerard didn't bother to argue with them if they did it during the night; all he wanted to do then was sleep, anyway. Otter had claimed the whole middle seat tonight, so Gerard and Mikey were sharing the back. Not that Gerard minded.

Mikey was lying across two seats, knees against the backrest, head pillowed on Gerard's thigh. He was probably more successful with the whole sleep thing than Gerard tonight. Gerard still had his arm loosely hugged around his shoulder and his hand in his hair. He'd given him gentle head scratches when they'd settled down and now his fingers were tacky with Mikey's hair spray.

Gerard tried to let the sounds from the radio, too quiet to make out any words, and the gentle rumbling of the van lull him into sleep. His position wasn't exactly comfortable, but Mikey's warmth, the presence of him and the rest of the band, and the exhaustion from playing tonight were making it easier.

He felt Mikey move in his sleep, then heard the sound of a zipper being undone. That made him pay attention. It wasn't a normal van-at-night sound. He instinctively checked out the source of the sound. And then he almost wished he hadn't looked, because it had been Mikey, who had now shoved his hand into his pants. Gerard flushed and quickly looked away. He closed his eyes again. This wasn't for him to see, let alone watch.

He really tried to ignore it, but he couldn't. He felt every little movement of Mikey's arm. He could hear every breath Mikey took, could feel how his chest expanded with it. It was like Mikey was all he could hear and feel.

It didn't take long until Mikey's breathing became heavier, a little faster. And then the little sighs and moans started that Gerard knew so well by now. He felt his pulse pick up and heat spread through his body.

He could feel Mikey's warm, wet breath against the front of his jeans. Oh no. He swallowed. _Please, please, please, just don't get hard now_ , he thought. Would Mikey be able to feel it if he did?

A gasp let his attention snap back to Mikey. He squeezed his eyes shut to keep himself from looking.

Mikey was moving faster now, but he was still incredibly silent. Gerard remembered the last time he'd listened to Mikey jerk off, how much louder he'd been when he'd been watching porn with Frank. He really must have thought Gerard had been asleep. But when he came back into the room and noticed Gerard was still awake? That hadn't fazed him at all. He'd even soothed Gerard. Did that mean… Did that mean he hadn't minded? _Didn't_ mind? Gerard could feel his cock stiffen at that thought and bit his lip. What if Mikey…?

If he listened closely, Gerard could hear the little slapping noises of Mikey stroking his cock. Fuck. Could anyone else in the van hear this? Probably not. Mikey should be too quiet to be heard over the radio. Gerard hoped so. He didn't want anyone else to know about this. How Mikey sounded when he touched himself.

It was dawning on him that he was getting possessive over his little brother. In a decidedly _not_ brotherly way. He was so fucked.

Nobody needed to know that though, right? If he never told anyone, if it was all just in his head, there was nothing wrong with it. No harm done if they never talked about it. And Gerard wasn't going to.

He tried to imagine what Mikey was feeling. The rough denim of Gerard's pants against his cheek a sharp contrast to his hand sliding over his cock, wet with precome. One of his arms squished between his body and the worn-out seat, the other one pressed against his side by the weight of Gerard's arm over it. Gerard hadn't showered in days, he knew he must be reeking from all the show sweat and touring grime, and Mikey had his head right there in Gerard's lap.

He rubbed his hand across his eyes. This had been a mistake. He was definitely hard now. It was uncomfortable, but there was nothing he could do about it. He'd probably have to rub one out in a disgusting rest stop bathroom stall the next time they made a stop.

But first, he needed to get through this. Mikey seemed like he was close to coming, thank god; he was panting and moving his arm almost violently fast. He curled in on himself farther, pushing his face against the front of Gerard's pants, against his hard cock. Gerard was so surprised, he instinctively made a fist, gripping Mikey's hair and pulling on it. He didn't know if he wanted to yank him off or press him down, his open mouth panting against Gerard's aching cock.

He didn't have to decide, as Mikey took the matter into his own hands and pushed his face against the hardness in Gerard's pants, whined, gave himself a few more strokes, and then suddenly stopped.

He went still and relaxed, taking the pressure off Gerard's cock, which was still straining against his pants. He was so fucking hard.

After a moment, Mikey moved again, then Gerard heard his zipper. He felt Mikey's warm hand come to rest on his thigh, squeezing lightly.


	4. IV

**July 2005**

Gerard was hiding in his bunk. It was hot outside. There were people everywhere. They had alcohol. It was hard, okay. It was still so fucking hard. He couldn't be out there with everyone else all the time, sometimes he just needed a moment or two for himself. He'd remained undisturbed in his little hideout as everyone seemed to be out and he was thankful for the peace and quiet.

Until someone intruded on his little bubble. He heard them bound up the bus stairs and yank open the door. Great. Their voices revealed that there were actually two someones: Mikey and Pete.

They'd been inseparable this whole tour, always hanging out together. Gerard had caught them making out more than once. Not that he had a problem with it. Or watched them.

It didn't take long and Gerard heard them open the door to the bunk area. He hoped they weren't staying.

"Hey, wait," Pete demanded and a second later, Gerard heard their wet kissing noises. Shit. This could get awkward. He didn't want to barge in on their little rendezvous, but right now he really wasn't hot on listening to them suck face either. He decided to wait it out a little longer, see what they were going to do. Maybe they'd leave again. He wasn't in the mood for this now.

A minute of more making out passed, until Pete started talking again between more kisses. "No, really, wait. Why the bunks? Your band isn't here, we could just use one of the lounges. Plenty more space there."

"Yeah," Mikey agreed, "but we've got more privacy here. These fuckers don't believe in knocking before bursting in, but these curtains are sacred. And I'm planning on getting my dick out."

This was the moment Gerard should have left. This really wasn't for him to eavesdrop on. He'd thought Mikey knew he was here, though. He'd told him he was taking a little break. Maybe he'd forgotten about it? He did seem to be quite distracted.

For a split second, Gerard considered to get up and leave. If he did it now, he could get away with minimum awkwardness. It wasn't too late yet. But something let him stay.

Suddenly, Pete sounded a lot less bold than usual. "Uhm, Mikey," he faltered, "you know I don't… I'm gay above the—"

"Yeah, I know, you're only gay above the waist. That's cool. You can keep your hands and mouth up here. I'm gay all the way through, though."

"Shit, yeah, okay. That's okay." His voice changed as he recovered and Gerard could hear the grin in it. "But only because you're so much fun to make out with."

"I can live with that." Gerard imagined the tiny, lopsided smile on Mikey's face that meant he was indulging someone.

There was some shuffling and creaking when they got into Mikey's bunk and then the kissing noises continued.

"C'mon, take your shirt off," Mikey urged after a while.

"Only if I can get yours off, too," Pete answered and Gerard wondered since when Mikey had such a thing for cheekiness.

After more shuffling and some swearing, they were settled again.

Mikey hummed. "I love your naked skin against mine. Come on, I want you on top of me. Yeah, like that. Suck on my neck."

"Gonna give you a hickey," Pete mumbled.

Gerard gasped. He imagined them like that, Pete lying on top of Mikey's bare chest, his face pressed against Mikey's neck, licking his skin. He tried to imagine what Mikey tasted like. Sweat, probably. Salt and heat. He wanted it.

Mikey drew in a sharp breath and cursed. "Ah, fuck. God, that hurts. Don't stop." A moment later, he let out a breathless puff of laughter. "You're such a biter, Pete."

"You're into it though."

"Yeah, I am," Mikey conceded. "Move your legs, I need access to my dick."

Gerard could feel his face heat up. This was escalating from a bit of making out to something way more serious. He was afraid and excited and afraid of how excited he was.

He heard a zipper and shortly after, Mikey moaned. "Fuck, this is good. Want you to touch my chest. Yeah, just like that."

"You know, this is kind of weird. You're jacking off and I'm pretty much trying to completely ignore it."

"Distract yourself by kissing me then. It'll make you forget everything else." Mikey sounded smug, for his standards.

"Cocky, Mikeyway. You're right though."

There was more making out, with both of them gasping and moaning. Gerard's imagination was running wild. He pressed a hand against his cock, determined not to get himself off but needing to touch himself to take off the edge at least. He was pretty sure that neither Mikey nor Pete were going to notice him now, even if he wasn't completely quiet.

A giggle sounded from their bunk and then Pete said, "You're the first dude whose nipples I've licked; I feel at least ten percent gayer now and it's entirely your fault."

"Keep going though, you're doing great," Mikey panted. He had to be close.

"You're not usually this talkative," Pete said between what sounded like more kisses. "Or bossy, for that matter."

"Just feel like mixing it up a little today. Bite me again. Fuck, I'm gonna come." Mikey hissed, then moaned and cursed. A moment later, he went silent. Gerard bit his lip because he was pretty sure he'd give himself away with a pained noise if he didn't. He imagined Mikey with his hand on his cock, knuckles painted white with come, his face blissed, body sprawled out in the bunk, brimming with endorphins. He wanted to touch himself so badly, but now that Mikey had come, they'd notice him immediately.

It didn't take long and Gerard heard gentle kissing again, then Pete spoke. "This is the first time I witnessed a guy – other than myself – come. Don't know how I'm feeling about that."

"You'll figure it out, Pete."

A phone beeped. "Shit, that's Patrick. He's worried I'm gonna be late for soundcheck." Another kiss, then he whispered, "Gotta go."

"'Kay. I'll walk you to the door."

They left the bunk area. As soon as the door was closed, Gerard shoved his pants down and gripped his cock. This was so much better than resisting the urge to touch himself. He closed his eyes and stroked himself, fast and hard, desperate to get off.

He came embarrassingly quickly. Nobody but himself needed to know that, though.

His afterglow hadn't even faded when he heard his own phone beep. He checked it reluctantly. It was a message from Mikey.

_pete left. u coming out now?_

So Mikey had known he'd been in here. Gerard took a deep breath, pulled himself together, and went out to meet him.


	5. V

**August 2005**

Gerard was the most comfortable he'd been in weeks. It was the first morning off tour and he and Mikey were staying at their parents', as was traditional. The first couple of days after coming back were always spent here in their old rooms. Their mom did their laundry, made their favorite dishes, and generally pampered them more than she probably should, but it was nice and Gerard wasn't going to say no to it. They'd go back to their own places later, but for now, the only thing he wanted was to stay in bed. Playing Warped had been great, but touring during the summer was always a struggle. He had so earned at least a week of sleep. He contemplated burying his face in the pillows and catching another hour or so, but his growling stomach convinced him to get up instead.

The kitchen was empty, as was the rest of the house, apparently. Mikey was probably in his room, though, maybe even still asleep. He was disturbingly good at sleeping through anything. A quick look at the clock confirmed that their parents were still out.

Gerard poured himself a bowl of cereal and mentally went through all the comics he needed to catch up on. Now that he was back home, he had the time and means to go to his favorite store instead of trying to find the time, a ride, and a seller near him and avoid being caught by fans. The last time one of them had made it, it had been Mikey, while Gerard had been needed elsewhere for an interview. At the time, Gerard had been annoyed, but now it turned out to be quite handy because it meant Gerard could just borrow stuff from Mikey and put leaving the house off for a few days.

He put his dishes in the sink and climbed up the stairs to collect the issues he hadn't read yet. Arriving at Mikey's room, he realized that Mikey was in fact already up. It sounded like he was talking to someone. Gerard tried to determine who it was before he went in. It was only polite, he told himself. It wasn't that he was nosy. Nope.

It didn't take him long to realize that he'd been wrong. Mikey wasn't talking to anyone. He was watching porn.

Gerard blushed but carefully stepped closer. The door hadn't been closed properly. He couldn't see what was going on in Mikey's room, but he could hear pretty well. He concentrated on Mikey's voice. 

The noises were familiar by now. Mikey's moans over the rhythmic sounds of his hand sliding over his cock, the occasional gasp or whine. They were so deeply embedded in Gerard's memories that he was never going to be able to forget them.

Gerard knew he could have walked away, but he found that didn't want to. He hadn't been able to admit it before, but now he was sure. So far, every single time it had happened, he wouldn't have been able to escape the situation without making it weird or drawing attention to himself, but this time was different. If he just left, no one would ever know about it. But he wanted to stay. He wanted to listen to this. He was desperate to hear Mikey's moans and whines and even more than that, he wanted to see him. He had imagined Mikey every single time – in their room, with Frank, in the van, and now with Pete. Both of them had been there, had shared this with Mikey. Gerard wanted what they had had so badly.

Suddenly, Gerard heard the floorboards in Mikey's room creak. Fuck. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't been paying attention. He stumbled a step back, trying to get away before Mikey could see him, but tripped over a basket of dirty laundry and landed on his hands and knees. So much for a quiet escape. He gritted his teeth, got up, and scrambled off towards the stairs. He heard the door open behind him but ignored it. It was useless to pretend he hadn't been caught, but that didn't mean he wanted to deal with the consequences.

He went straight to his room in the basement and didn't leave it for the rest of the day. Mikey didn't come down to see him either.

* * *

The problem was that Gerard had no idea where he and Mikey were standing. They'd never spoken a single word about any of this. He didn't know what that meant. A few times it had almost seemed as if Mikey was aware of what was going on and that it didn't bother him. It was much more than that for Gerard, though. He couldn't say if Mikey actively wanted whatever they were doing, let alone want it anywhere near as badly as Gerard did.

He was pretty sure that Mikey hadn't noticed anything the first time, when he was getting himself off in his room at night while Gerard lay silently in the dark, listening.

He wasn't so sure about the second time. Mikey had looked straight at him before he'd left the room. Maybe he hadn't seen anything in the dark, though. But then he'd left the door open. Why would he have done that if not for Gerard?

And then, just a few months later, in the van. He'd pressed his face against Gerard's crotch. He'd come when Gerard had pulled his hair. That had to mean something, right? Or had he been too desperate to wait for a better opportunity? And after, when he'd put his hand on Gerard's thigh, that could have been a silent apology. Gerard didn't _know_.

Mikey's rendezvous with Pete probably hadn't had anything to do with Gerard. They'd been joined at the hip the whole summer; they'd probably just wanted some time to themselves – just like Gerard had. Fall Out Boy's bus had probably been occupied and Mikey had only remembered Gerard had been there after Pete had left.

And now Gerard had gotten himself caught. He didn't regret it, not really. He wasn't particularly happy with how everything had played out, but even though he hadn't even heard much, he wouldn't have wanted to miss it. He couldn't deny it any longer: He wanted Mikey.

Now the only question left was whether there was any chance Mikey wanted him back.

* * *

Gerard finally had to face Mikey when he joined the rest of his family for dinner. Their mom had cooked a nice meal to celebrate Gerard and Mikey coming back from their last tour and Gerard didn't have the heart to pretend to be sick.

He was nervous, though. He wasn't sure what it meant that Mikey hadn't said anything to him all day. Was he mad? Grossed out? Too pissed off to talk to him? He'd probably find out soon. 

When he arrived in the kitchen, Mikey was already there. He didn't say anything about what had happened and didn't behave any different towards Gerard than usual, so Gerard cautiously breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe everything would be okay.

The meal passed without incident. They made pleasant conversation and Gerard could feel himself relax more and more. They'd just forget what had happened and that was going to be it. At least for Mikey. Gerard would always remember.

They were eating dessert when Mikey addressed Gerard with a suggestion. "I thought we could have a sleepover. Like old times." He was looking at Gerard, totally calm, and Gerard couldn't look away. He felt himself flush. He couldn't help but think about the last time they'd had a sleepover. It hadn't exactly been _old times_ , but he felt like it was what Mikey was referring to. The first time.

"You boys spent the whole summer crammed into that bus and now that you're back you want to have a _sleepover_?" their mom asked. She sounded more amused than surprised. "I suppose you've always been like that."

Gerard knew what she meant and she was right, but so, so wrong at the same time. Things had changed between them. He was still looking into Mikey's eyes and now he was sure.

"I'd like that," he agreed and Mikey nodded.

He didn't know what exactly was going to happen tonight, but something was.


	6. +1

This time, they shared the bed. Gerard was lying under the covers on his back, eyes open and looking at the ceiling. He knew whatever was going to happen tonight would change everything. He'd been nervous the whole evening, but he was calm now. He knew what he wanted. He hoped Mikey wanted the same. Either way, this night was going to decide the future of their relationship and he was ready for it.

He could hear Mikey breathe next to him. He was still, but Gerard knew he'd take the first step for them. He waited.

His patience was rewarded what could have been just a few minutes or ages later. He felt the blanket move as Mikey shifted. Not long and Gerard recognized his movements and the subtle change in his breathing. He would never have thought that his little brother's masturbation noises and routines could become as familiar to him as his own. And yet, he wanted even more. He wanted to be the one who made Mikey feel good. He wanted to be the one who touched him, caressed him, kissed him, until all he could do was gasp and moan and beg.

He gave himself a moment. Taking in everything he could hear and feel before he turned onto his side to see. The curtains were open and the moon was bright, illuminating some parts of Mikey's face and casting others in shadows. He was beautiful.

Mikey turned his head to look at him. They quietly stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds.

Eventually, Gerard broke the moment. "Show me," he whispered.

Mikey turned away from him and switched his bedside lamp on. It wasn't too bright and bathed the room in a warm glow. He pulled off the duvet next, revealing his body to Gerard, then put his hand back into his pants.

Gerard drank in the sight before him and bit his lip. He couldn't believe this was really happening. After so much time, he was finally not just able to, but allowed to watch this, to have this. He could see the muscles in Mikey's arm jump as he stroked himself, his long, elegant throat, his Adam's apple bopping. He couldn't get enough of him.

"Take off your clothes," he said next. "I want to see you."

Mikey stripped off his shirt first, fast and efficient, and Gerard was torn. He wanted his chance to look his fill, to draw out the anticipation, to savor every moment of sweet torment while Mikey slowly bared himself, but he'd waited for so long now. All of this had started years ago. He'd had his little glimpses here and there, but now he was done waiting. Fuck patience.

Mikey's pants and underwear followed and finally he was completely naked. He lay back down and Gerard let his eyes roam over him again. He couldn't see well enough to take in every detail like he wanted to, but he knew they had time for that later. He knew in his heart this wasn't going to be the last and only time. Still, he took in Mikey's pale skin in the dim light, his lean chest and his knobby knees. He'd taken his cock in hand again, stroking with urgent movements, head thrown back and mouth open.

He reminded Gerard of when he was playing. He had the same look on his face, the same pose. Gerard would have even more reason to get hard on stage now. "How d'you like it?" he asked.

"Fast," Mikey answered. He was looking at Gerard again, blinking slowly like a cat, like he wanted to close his eyes and savor the feeling but at the same time wanted to keep watching Gerard.

Gerard swallowed. "Go slower then," he instructed.

Mikey did as he was told, but his brow furrowed like it was difficult.

Gerard had imagined this so often. He'd tried not to at first, but he'd become less conscientious over time. Thoughts of Mikey had started to slip into his mind when he touched himself and he hadn't been strong enough to resist. In the end, he didn't even try to anymore; he'd leaned into it. And now it had become reality.

"Yeah, that's good," he praised, "just like that. Use your thumb." He still couldn't fully believe this was happening. Mikey wasn't just letting Gerard see, he was doing what Gerard told him. Letting him take control. Trusting him.

"Touch yourself. I want you to draw it out." _I want to make this good for you,_ he thought. _I don't want to ever stop looking at you._ He wasn't ready yet to say it out loud.

Mikey lifted his other hand and gently stroked across his hip bone. He went back and forth a few times, then moved his hand up, across the little dip between his hip and belly, gently circling his belly button. His other hand was still moving up and down his cock, hard and dribbling precome.

Gerard licked his lips. He wanted to taste Mikey everywhere. Not tonight, but maybe the next time. He wanted to kiss him, to lick his sweat, taste his come. He wanted to push his face into his neck, his hair, to nose the crease between his thigh and groin. He wanted to see Mikey, study him in detail. He wanted to hear all the little sighs and moans and pants he made, find out which sounds he could coax out of him. And he wanted to touch him. God, he wanted to touch him so badly. He wanted to know the exact texture of Mikey's skin, where it changed from soft to delicate, to rough. He wanted to feel his warmth, to wrap himself up in it, in him. He wanted all of Mikey, with all of his senses.

"Tell me what you want," Mikey said. "What do you want me to do?"

_You,_ Gerard thought. He swallowed. Mikey was asking for his direction. He could do that. "Touch… touch your chest. Yeah, like that." The sight distracted him for a moment. "You have all the time in the world. Really feel it. Pretend you're home alone and you can finally take as much time and be as loud as you want."

A smile crossed Mikey's face. "Not everyone is such an artist about jerking off as you are, Gee."

Gerard smiled back. "Well, you should try it out. It's nice."

He let his gaze wander from where Mikey was working on his chest, rubbing at his nipple with rough fingertips, down to where he was stroking his cock, still as slowly as Gerard had asked him to. "I want to see you touch your balls. I bet they're sensitive." He licked his lips. "And spread your legs so you can touch your thigh. On the inside." It came out almost as a whisper.

Mikey groaned, long and deep, gave himself a few more tugs, and slid his hand lower. "You're torturing me, Gee."

"I'm teaching you how to be an artist," Gerard gave back, not sure whether he was joking or not. "Come on, put your other hand on your thigh."

Mikey caressed himself and a shiver ran through his body. He was getting pretty tense.

"Yeah, that's it. You're doing so well. So good for me," Gerard praised.

Mikey answered with a sob and Gerard idly wondered if this was Mikey's thing, if he got off on being submissive. It hadn't sounded like it when he'd been in the bunks with Pete, or back when Gerard had listened to him and Frank. But now that he was lying here next to Gerard, asking him for directions and doing what he was told…

Mikey was getting restless; his exhalations were getting more strained, shifting into the whines Gerard had listened to before.

"Lick your palm. Get it nice and wet." He wanted to see Mikey come. He'd been so good, had followed Gerard's instructions so well, he deserved a reward.

Mikey immediately obeyed and Gerard watched his tongue lap at his hand with want. He couldn't wait to touch Mikey, was already faintly thinking of their next time. He was going to explore all of him, find out how and where he liked to be touched, mark him up and suck him off. He knew what Mikey sounded like when he came, but he'd never _seen_ him. He couldn't wait.

"You can jerk off now. I want to see you come."

Mikey started stroking himself again and Gerard couldn't keep quiet. "I've imagined this, Mikey, so often." He bit his lip. "I didn't want to allow myself to in the beginning, but I kept overhearing you and couldn't stop myself any longer."

Mikey moaned and bucked up into his fist.

"After that time in the van… You became all I could think about," he admitted. His voice softened into a whisper. "Come on, let me see you."

Mikey gave another whine, threw his head back and came all over his stomach.

"Yes, that's it, so good, Mikey." Gerard needed to touch him. And he needed to get a hand on his own cock. "I need to— Can I—?" He couldn't get the words out fast enough.

"Yes, anything," Mikey agreed immediately.

Gerard positioned himself between Mikey's legs, rested one hand on Mikey's raised knee, and pulled his cock out with the other. It didn't take more than a few strokes until he came across Mikey's belly, mixing their come together.

Gerard's eyes were closed and he was panting. "I'm pretty sure this was the hardest and fastest I've ever come," he said.

"C'mere then," Mikey said, putting his hand on Gerard's and giving him a tentative smile.

Gerard looked into his eyes deeply for a moment, then went down willingly as Mikey pulled him. His skin burned everywhere they were touching, but it felt good. He could feel the stickiness between them, their come and sweat gluing them together where his shirt had ridden up.

They were so close now, Gerard lying in the vee of Mikey's legs, their chests and bellies touching. Gerard felt Mikey's breath on his skin, against his lips, and he couldn't wait any longer. He had to bend down and press a tender kiss to Mikey's mouth. It felt so good. After all this time, after all his longing and worrying, this moment had finally come. Mikey's lips were dry and Gerard licked at them.

Mikey readily opened his mouth, letting Gerard's tongue in to explore gently. His fingers carefully trailed up and down Gerard's arm and Gerard encouraged him with a pleased hum. It felt so nice to be touched like this.

"I've wanted you for so long," Mikey confessed once they'd satiated their hunger for each other for the moment.

"Yeah?" Gerard asked. He needed to hear Mikey say it.

Mikey pushed a strand of Gerard's hair behind his ear and nodded. He pulled Gerard down for another soft kiss. He was so careful with him, like Gerard was something fragile to be cherished.

Mikey pressed his face into Gerard's neck and breathed deeply. "I did all of it for you, you know? I wanted you there. To hear me. To think about me." He traced his hand down Gerard's spine.

"Really?" Gerard asked again in a murmur. It was everything he wanted, but he needed to be sure. He felt Mikey nod again and breathed a little sigh of relief. "You won't believe how much I questioned everything." He started combing through Mikey's hair. "I was never sure about your intentions. I thought maybe you weren't interested in me, you just didn't give a fuck I was there."

"I'm sorry." Mikey sounded sincere.

"It's okay, we're here now," Gerard soothed him.

He scooted over until he was lying next to Mikey but could still put his head on his chest. He could feel Mikey's heartbeat, fast but steady. Mikey put his arm around him.

"I'm glad everything happened the way it did, though," Gerard said. It had been confusing, but it had also given him enough time to work through his own feelings. He wasn't sure he would have been ready sooner.

Mikey hummed noncommittally. "No idea how you thought that shoving my face against your junk while jacking off was in any way ambiguous, though."

"I thought maybe you were just exceptionally horny. Too horny to care." Now that he knew, it was starting to sound stupid, even to himself.

Mikey snorted. "Can't believe I fell in love with such a bonehead."

Gerard gave him a squeeze and grinned. He wasn't even mad.


End file.
